You are not defined by your ability to conceive!
I created a special program for women experiencing infertility issues because I too, am like you. I know what it feels like to have an underlying sense that there is something wrong with you due to an inability to conceive. I remember thinking “like every other woman in the world, I should be able to conceive a child!”
How the stress shows up for you:
Although you are not alone, you feel alone. Not only that, but the endless birth announcements on Facebook and sudden influx of pregnant women everywhere is exasperating. (Is it just me or did they multiply?). All of this stress can easily cause you to wonder…
“Why can’t I do this?”
Still, you try to be positive by thinking “this the month!” Yet, you seem to experience disappointment month after month. And unfortunately, the man in your life may not fully understand how deep this desire is for you. Thus, he may not be capable of adequately consoling you when your period arrives.
Yes, you do CAN cry it out every month and YES, it’s normal to do so! (Or, drink a bottle of wine by yourself to ease the pain…)
How the stress shows up in your marriage:
There’s increased pressure on your marriage because intimacy is geared towards conceiving a child, versus happening organically. You have this short, fertile window, you need to have sex and yet, you want it to feel as authentic as possible. Here ‘in lies the catch-twenty two! Do we even want to mention the financial stressors of visiting fertility clinics? (Probably not!)
Et Tu In-Laws?
It’s hard enough to face these emotional and financial challenges; add in the in-laws who continuously ask “When are we gonna have grandkids” and you may just want to scream! (I feel this response is totally normal…but not so good on Easter Sunday.)
4 simple steps to overcoming the stress:
- Let go of the deadline: My goal was to conceive by age 30. Letting go of this self-proclaimed deadline helped to heal me.
- Create a mantra: I am a big fan of mantra’s and when I feel sorry for myself, I state silently:
“It’s not my time; the Universe will open up all of the possibilities when the time is right.”
- Take breaks: allow time when fertility is not on the agenda. Simply be with your partner, focus on one another, and do things you both enjoy.
- Seek support: coaching and support groups can give you hope, ideas, and sense of community.
You are not alone! Contact me today for assistance with managing the stress of infertility.
A little levity to brighten your day…
Not too long ago, I wrote a blog containing the top most offensive comments that people often say to us “infertiles.” Here are just a few…
- “Have a lot of sex!”
—Really? Huh, hadn’t thought of that?
- “When we conceived [insert Johnny/Susie here], we tried [insert sex position here].”
—Thanks, now I can’t get that image out of my head!
- “You’re not getting any younger.”
—Is this supposed to make me feel better?
- “My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!”
—Salt in the wound, eh?
- “Just stop trying, it will happen.”
—Ah, yes it seems everyone had this friend who stopped trying and miracles happened.
- “Get really drunk, then have sex in a car.”
—Glad that worked for you at age 16, but the rest of us have to be a little more inventive!